The Brotherhood
Kathy Joy
(24 reviews)
When eighteen year old Kane travels home late one night, the last thing he expected was to be ... Show More
Genres:
Paranormal, Sci Fi, Urban Fantasy, Young Adult
Tags:
The Brotherhood, demon, demon hunter, YA, Young Adult

Chapter One

[Thanks to the feedback, I have made some ammendments to my story.  Please continue to provide feedback and of course, any votes if you like it!  Even if you don't like it, feel free to let me know why so I can improve!]

The boards creaked and groaned underfoot as Kane padded forwards.  His cobalt blue eyes peered down the seemingly endless hallway.  He knew he shouldn’t be down here, but it was like something had taken hold of him and he couldn’t escape.  As if in a trance, he carried on.  There were several times he could’ve sworn he saw the shadows clinging to the corners move.
 
“Kane!”
 
Snapped out of whatever had taken hold, he stopped, turning to see that his friend Jake had grasped his arm.
 
“What are you doing?”  Jake whispered, dark eyes darting nervously.  “We should go back upstairs to the club.”
 
“It’s a snooze fest up there.”  Kane waved dismissively.
 
“And you think a creepy, probably haunted basement that was clearly marked ‘keep out’ is a better option...?”
 
Kane shrugged.  “It’s only the private rooms.”
 
Jake peered through the open door of one to see it was empty save for a battered table and a few chairs. “They’re obviously not ready for hire.”  Jake edged nearer to his friend, the inexplicable sense of discomfort growing.  “I don’t like it down here.  We should go.”
 
“You worry too much.”  Kane strode forwards.
 
More afraid of being left alone than being caught in a restricted area, Jake scampered after him.
 
Standing side by side, the boys were almost polar opposites.  Kane was tall with broad shoulders and wispy ash blonde hair swept back from his face, though a few errant strands lay defiantly across his brow.  Jake on the other hand was three inches shorter and skinny, with curtained ebony hair.
 
“What are you looking for?”  Jake asked in a vain attempt to distract himself from the growing unease that twisted his stomach.
 
Kane shrugged.  “I’m just curious.”
 
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘curiosity killed the cat’?”
 
“Cats have nine lives.”
 
Jake huffed.  “We don’t.”
 
Heedless, Kane carried on.  Knowing his friend wouldn’t be swayed, Jake instead focused his attention on their surroundings.  The corridor was all wood which hadn’t been painted or wallpapered.  The bare bulbs were caked in dust, casting a pitiful patch of light that barely held off the thick murk around them.  Jake swallowed hard, knowing he’d watched this scene in a movie before.  It didn’t end well.
 
Kane opened the penultimate door, creeping in slowly, clicking the light on as he did so.  Reluctantly, Jake followed, knowing that really, he had no choice.
 
Inside it was much the same as the hallway, the decor remaining incomplete, if at all started.  Hulking shapes covered with plastic sheeting were shoved against the far side.
 
“These rooms are huge.”  Kane stepped towards the congregation of neglected belongings.  “I think there’s a grand piano back there.”
 
“A little high brow for this place ...” Jake muttered.
 
Without warning, the sharp crack of breaking glass split through the room and it all went black, neither boy able to see so much as a hand in front of their face.
 
Jake’s heart slammed in his chest and he gasped, stumbling back.  The hair at the nape of his neck stood on end and a sudden rush of cold swept through his body.  He barely stifled a scream as something touched his shoulder.
 
“Relax.  It’s just a busted bulb.”  Kane laughed.
 
“Let’s get out of here.  I don’t like it.”
 
“We’re in a nightclub not Transylvania.  What do you think is down here?”
 
“What if the club is really a serial killer’s lair?  It’s like that movie we watched last week.  I swear to god if my skin gets made into a creepy suit ...”
 
“You’re too skinny for them to want yours.”
 
“Shut up!  Something isn’t right here-”
 
A loud clatter erupted, making Jake jump.  Kane turned to identify the source.  For a while, there existed only a heavy, painful silence.  Then, a low tap sounded, like the stinted patter of many feet but it came and went as if from an out of tune television.
 
“Do you hear that ...?”  Kane whispered.
 
“Stop trying to freak me out!  It’s not funny!”
 
The sound grew louder and an odd, faint tingle travelled up Kane’s spine.  “I’m being serious.  Don’t you hear that?”
 
“There’s nothing ... wait ...” Jake strained.  “I do hear something.  Oh god, let’s just go!  There’s only one person who’s gonna to be wearing my skin and that’s me!”
 
Kane remained where he was, the sound becoming unbearable.  He could feel Jake tugging at his arm, hissing at him to move.
 
Light suddenly cut through the dark and Jake cried out.
 
“What the hell do you think you’re doing down here?”  Came a coarse growl.
 
The noise fell silent and Kane raised an arm to shelter his eyes from the invasive glare of the torch beam directed at them, shrouding the new comer in shadow.
 
“We’re looking for the bodies you buried.”  Kane gave a boyish quirk of his lip while Jake paled.
 
The beam of light moved down and they saw a short, stout man with a receding hairline.  The silk suit he wore looked a size too small, stretching laboriously across his bulging body.
 
“Is that so?”  He responded slowly.
 
“Honestly ... we were just leaving.”  Jake stammered.  “We’re sorry.”
 
“If I catch you down here again, I’ll have you thrown in a cell.”
The two made a hasty retreat, bounding up the steps and back into the packed club above.  Patrons swayed rhythmatically over the dance floor and flashing, coloured lights diced through the smoky air.  A heavy bass pulsed with chaotic fervour, impossible to escape.
 
“What was his problem?”  Kane shoved his hands into his jean pockets.
 
“I don’t know.  It’s not like you implied a total stranger was a serial killer or anything ...” Jake’s brows rose as he directed a sardonic glare at Kane, barely dodging a girl as she flailed wildly across his path.
 
“Some people have no sense of humour.”  He agreed.
 
Jake let his shoulders slump as he exhaled a deep, relieved breath.  “Can we go home?  I know it’s early but I really don’t like this place.  The music is terrible.  It sounds like a garbage disposal and a high bass speaker having a cage fight.”
 
Kane nodded.  “Sure thing.  Come on.”
 
They cut through the crowd of dancers, making a beeline for the front door.
 
Just before they got there, Jake froze.  “Crap … I left my coat.”
 
“I’ll get the ride started.  You remember where I parked, right?”
 
Jake nodded before stumbling away, fighting through the packed, sweating bodies to get to the cloak room.
 
Kane sauntered out, the cold air greeting him.  Revelation City blinked in the distance.  The lights burned like constellations, joined by the ever present billboards and ads projected into the sky like a hazy after image.  Revelation was a testament to the indomitable desire of man to take control of the world, culminating in a massive manmade isle that had stood against all odds over the last hundred and fifty years, going strong without ever breaking pace.  Having never travelled elsewhere in the world, Kane didn’t appreciate the grandeur of the city nation he’d called home since birth.
 
As his gaze swept along the car park, it settled on his ride: a silver and gold motorcycle that was curved and sleek in its design, emulating the contours of a bird of prey.  The copper tinted rims and polished frame glinted in the glare of a light a few spaces away.  Kane swung his leg over the bike, booted foot settling on the leg rest.  Waiting patiently for Jake, he turned in his seat, absently examining the tired exterior of the club.  At first glance, @cid didn’t look much like a party venue.  Once an abandoned factory, it had been poorly converted, making it unworthy of a city as extraordinary as Revelation.  Stone-faced bouncers stationed themselves at the end of velvet ropes, guarding the entrance.
 
Alerted by some kind of disturbance just on the edge of his senses, he turned to the far side, eyes narrowing when he saw a man closing in on a girl of sixteen.  Most clubs ran a strict over eighteen policy and @cid was no exception.  Even still, it wasn’t uncommon for the underage to try and sneak or charm their way in.  No doubt this one had tried and failed but hung around the area hoping to catch a gap in security.
 
Her tawny hair was tied in a pony tail and a thin fringe grazed her brow.  Smudged mascara magnified the look of primal terror slapped across her face as a tall, thin man in a long black overcoat advanced on her.  Kane frowned and hurled himself off the bike, cutting across the car park with ground eating strides.  As he neared, he could hear the man talking:
 
“You cannot fight.  You will run for the rest of your life but eventually we will find you.  Or it can end here.  Either way, darkness awaits you.”
 
“I think the lady said no.”  Kane shouted.
 
The man turned, momentarily caught off guard.  He looked to be in his late forties, with greasy dark hair and red eyes – the kind of face that turned up on Revelations Most Wanted.
 
He made a strange, bubbling hiss.  “This doesn’t concern you.”
 
Kane grinned.  “It does now.”
 
The girl looked tense but relief glinted in her tear filled eyes.  “Please …” She moved a step closer but the man blocked her path as he whirled to face Kane, features brimming with barely contained rage.
 
“Walk away, boy.”  He growled.
 
Kane shook his head.  “You’re the one who should be backing off.”
 
Normally, Kane knew better than pick fights, but there was something about the guy that boiled his blood.
 
At the other side of the car park, Jake was skittering across the asphalt, calling for Kane, skidding to a halt as he neared.  “Is everything okay?”
 
Kane didn’t pull his eyes from the man.  “Go to the club and get security.”
 
Jake looked stunned.  “But Kane …”
 
“I’ve got this.  Just go.”
 
Soon enough, Jake obliged, bounding off, waving wildly to attract the attention of a bouncer stationed outside the club.
Log in to add a comment or review for this chapter Chapter updated on: 2/26/2015 6:46:01 PM
  • Yashita Ghazi commented on :
    5/31/2017 3:44:50 PM
    i am miss yashita ghazi i have a proposal for you via at (yashitaghazi11@gmail.com)
  • ANN brown commented on :
    5/6/2016 12:34:28 AM
    Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), ... Show More
  • TP Keating commented on :
    10/11/2015 11:05:58 AM
    This chapter hits the ground running with the drama and has some very enjoyable, snappy dialogue. Got to love that line, “And you think a creepy, probably haunted ... Show More
    • Kathy Joy Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad it worked for you! I'm in the process of giving TBH a full revamp in light of some of the feedback I have gotten and so appreciate any feedback I get going forward!
      10/11/2015 1:05:54 PM
    • ANN brown Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), for more information about me. because i have some important thing i will like to discuss with you privately. Hope to hear from you soon. Anna, thanks
      5/6/2016 12:07:44 AM
  • annah brown commented on :
    4/3/2016 12:37:35 AM
    Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), ... Show More
  • Angi Shearstone commented on :
    12/31/2015 12:58:31 AM
    I love The creepy kick-off to this, the dynamics between characters & all. Can't wait to sink into this story.
  • Nathan Daeodain commented on :
    6/11/2015 6:00:36 PM
    First off, I really like what you've started here. I definitely get the amine/manga vibe. Although if you hadn't posted the first images, I would have imagined our ... Show More
    • Nathan Daeodain here *are a few obsevations
      6/11/2015 6:02:36 PM
    • Kathy Joy Hey thanks for the feedback! Honestly didn't expect you to go from one serial to my first one. Really appreciate the feedback. I am planning a major overhaul of the serial over the summer, taking in the feedback I have received so this is super useful. The guy riling him is more alluding to something else, though I can see in context that line needs more work. Your feedback is really helpful. Thanks!
      6/11/2015 6:09:55 PM
    • Nathan Daeodain I joined Jukepop to enter the summer writing contest and get a little exposure, but the more I explore the community, the more I really dig the vibe. It's one massive Writing Group! So, I'm trying be a part of it. :)
      6/11/2015 6:25:19 PM
    • Kathy Joy I joined to improve my writing (more specifically this serial). It's hard to go to physical writing groups here because I have certain responsibilities. You're right - JP is a fantastic and supportive community. Welcome aboard! My writing has come on phenomenally through the feedback I have given and received. This summer I plan to work hard on my writing and that includes this new serial, as well as giving as much feedback to as many stories as I can. I have your serial on my bookshelf. I hope to get round to it soon, the synopsis sounds good! I hope I can give feedback that is as helpful as you've given me! I also hope you'll check out some of the awesome serials from the amazing authors on this site!
      6/11/2015 6:48:48 PM
  • Sarah Kelly commented on :
    4/15/2015 10:48:45 PM
    Great chapter with a nice cliffhanger! I came because the story seemed cool, and added it to my bookshelf when I saw that you're here for the same reason I am: to ... Show More
    • Kathy Joy Thanks for the feedback! Yes, my work has gotten to the point where all the drafts merge into one and a non-bias pair of eyes would really help. There might be in-continuities of scenes/characters that don't make sense and a reader would be able to discern that better than me at the moment. I have already changed the first few chapters based on feedback, but it kept messing up future chapters so I have decided to gather all the feedback and go from there. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far and hope you stick around for the rest of the story!
      4/16/2015 9:03:36 AM
  • Andre Clemons commented on :
    3/18/2015 9:24:07 PM
    I have grown to love a good creepy story, and this really has me engrossed!! Revelation City feels just as much of an environment as Kane does. For a futuristic city, it ... Show More
    • Kathy Joy Thank you very much. It's wonderful to hear you like the story and are enjoying it so far! I'm glad you have caught a partial celestial note as well. Revelation was fun to work on the concept, so I'm glad you're having fun reading about it.
      3/19/2015 10:20:56 AM
  • M. Howalt commented on :
    3/2/2015 8:21:31 PM
    Finally got to read the beginning of your serial. :) I decided not to read the blurb and just go with it. At first I thought we wre in our world, but I concluded it was ... Show More
    • Kathy Joy Thanks for the feedback! It is (if you haven't figured it out though it sounds like you have) based in the future (the year 2150) in a parallel universe quite similar to our own. One major difference is that in the year 2000, Revelation was built, so we had some technological advances a little sooner in this reality. There is a reason for it, but I won't spoil it for you! I hope you continue to enjoy it. In the mean time I really need to catch up with your serial. You're posting chapters quicker than I can read them!
      3/2/2015 8:32:23 PM
    • M. Howalt You're welcome! I thought some elements seemed a little futuristic, so I'm not surprised. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens. :) I post one chapter each week, but there are quite a few out already at this point, so don't worry about catching up. I'm just happy to get a comment once in a while. :) (I'm personally horribly behind on several of the serials I've bookshelved.)
      3/2/2015 9:00:06 PM
  • K R Williams commented on :
    3/2/2015 12:20:09 PM
    Wow! What a first chapter! I loved the opening! It was really good and made me think of loads of questions I want the answers to! Great opening chapter!
    • Kathy Joy Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as much!
      3/2/2015 1:20:28 PM
  • J.A. Waters commented on :
    2/5/2015 9:54:38 PM
    Interesting start to your story! I enjoyed the build-up of tension in the basement, and then the slight relief right before true thrills. I really liked the exchange, ... Show More
    • Kathy Joy Thanks for the comments. The begining is something I have reallystruggled with. It's gone through numerous versions. I will take your suggestions into account and perhaps upload an ammended first chapter. Your comments and advice are very much appreciated!
      2/6/2015 10:40:49 AM
    • J.A. Waters Nice modified ending to the chapter. We get the look that something weird is going on, have been introduced well to Jake and Kane, and have something to read the next chapter for resolution.
      2/12/2015 10:52:52 PM
    • Kathy Joy I take feedback seriously, and where ever possible. I take it into account. Yours is always very helpful!
      2/13/2015 6:44:13 AM
  • J Jones commented on :
    2/9/2015 2:49:08 PM
    I love the dynamic between Jake and Kane - very believable. Can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!
    • Kathy Joy Thank you for the feedback. Its nice to hear you enjoyed my story.
      2/9/2015 4:01:16 PM
  • Paul Rogers commented on :
    2/6/2015 1:45:36 PM
    I can think of two things to comment on here, but the chapter reads pretty solidly to me. I can't help but wonder if Kane's actions are based on naive bravado or ... Show More
    • Kathy Joy Thanks I appreciate the feedback. It's really useful. I am currently having a look through the chapters and giving them a bit of a rewrite based on the reviews so far, so I really appreciate your input.
      2/6/2015 1:50:19 PM
  • ANN BROWN gave
    4/5/2016 4:42:25 PM
    Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), ... Show More
  • J Jones gave
    2/9/2015 2:48:47 PM
    I love the dynamic between Jake and Kane - very believable. Can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!
  • J Jones gave
    2/9/2015 2:48:38 PM
    I love the dynamic between Jake and Kane - very believable. Can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!
  • J Jones gave
    2/9/2015 2:48:27 PM
    I love the dynamic between Jake and Kane - very believable. Can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!