Rise: Future Worlds Book One JP 30
Brian Guthrie
(8 reviews)
On a shattered world protected from the cold of space by a water shield, the people are dependent on ... Show More
Genres:
Cross-Genre, Dystopian, Fantasy, High Fantasy, Sci Fi
Tags:
Deathgate Cycle, Mistborn, science fiction, epic fantasy, fantasy, dragons, magic, dystopia, future, love, family, hope, loss, hero, heroine, dragon

Act 1: A Request on Paper


Location: Green Shell (Name changed to conceal location), Deep Core Orbit
Narrator: Self (Logwyn)
Interviewer: Self (Logwyn)
Date: Post Inter-Shell War
 
-

I suppose this all started with paper.  Real paper.  I could not recall the last time I had seen a fresh batch of it.  That close to the core, one rarely found supplies of this sort, even for researchers such as myself.  'Only the bare necessities for those sworn to protect.'  How many times had I heard those words thrown in my face?  Still, someone must have seen my request.  How else had this package of crisp white paper been delivered?  The first thing I did was pull a piece free, hold it close to my nose, and inhale slowly.  It held a faint odor and, if I closed my eyes, I could picture a tree standing before me, my nose pressed close.  Well, I pictured what I thought was a tree.  Still, it was a pleasant dream.

A cough interrupted my wandering thoughts.  I quickly lowered the paper and opened my eyes, brushing a strand of my long blond hair from my face.  There in the doorway stood a figure I'd never seen before.  He was a full head taller than me, clothed in long, flowing silver robes.  A hood covered his head and a cowl most of his face.  A slit cut across the cowl revealed a dark face with black eyes locked on me.  I remember my heart accelerated slightly and a tingly feeling ran up my side to my chest.  He stepped into the room, his hands clasped behind him.  I tossed the paper behind me and bowed my head as I felt my cheeks flush, not wishing to stare at the strange figure waiting before me.

"May I enter?" he asked, his voice deep and rough.

I looked up and nodded.  He stepped forward near the table that dominated the room's center and the door slid shut behind him.

"Feel free to stare," he muttered, eyes roaming around the room.  "I find it helps you lot to get past the startled stage sooner."

As he looked around the room, I felt self-conscious of the clutter.  My eyes darted around my messy office, taking in random articles of clothing, a hairbrush, and a tin of moisturizer, and I wished I'd taken a few moments earlier in the day to tidy up a bit.

"Your robes are...interesting," I said, words racing out of my mouth.  I closed my eyes tight and took a few deep breaths.

"And a perpetual curiosity to you core lovers," the man said, moving to stand by the table holding the paper.  "Quite a prize here."

I must have looked confused, for the man arched an eyebrow and nodded at the table.  When I looked around, all I saw was the paper.

"This?" I asked.  "Yes, it is.  I have no idea where it came from either."

"Such a lovely day," the man said, moving past the table to stand near the room's lone window.  "Join me?  Seems a lot less windy for this time of day, don't you think?"

I didn't move.  I had no idea who he was.  My first thought was to move toward the door, not the window.

"Don't you agree, Logwyn?" he asked, nodding toward the window.  "About the wind?  Seems very calm this late in the day.  The night-shield will be up in a few chrons."

I turned my gaze to the window, puzzled why he would want to discuss the weather with me.  In the distance, I spied another shell orbiting the core just above ours.  It was too small to support a population.  Aware of the man standing next to me and his question, I searched for some kind of response.  I settled on a nod and started to reply, then stopped.  He'd called me by name.

"Truth be told," he said, looking around toward the door and dropping his voice to a low murmur, "I'm not here to talk about the weather.  I'm here to discuss that prize you just received."

I moved back toward the desk standing along one side of the room, my eyes narrowing.

"I'll gather you're getting suspicious right about now," he said, his voice still low.  "Good.  Don't lose that.  You're going to need it."

"How do you know my name?" I asked.

He smiled.  "If there's one thing you can count on everywhere, it's the bureaucratic urge to account for everything."  He glanced around the room, taking in the table, my desk, and the wardrobe along the far wall.  "Especially who works in what office."

"You looked me up?"

"I needed to find you and, frankly, you're the only woman with that name in the index."

"Why?" I moved around the table.

He nodded at the door.  "Go ahead.  The door's not locked."

I paused.  "Who are you?"

"I'm a friend of someone important."  He looked back out the window.  "Someone important to you."

I pointed at his garments.  "Those are not from our shell."

"Nor mine, I'm afraid," he said, shrugging.  "However, it's an effective disguise on most shells I visit."

"How?  You stand out.  That can't be what someone wearing a disguise wants."

He chuckled.  "Down here, I'll grant you that much."  He looked up at the ceiling for a moment.  "Up there, on other shells, you'll find these cloaks carry a lot of power and weight to them."  He held up a hand.  "Not that I'm here to flaunt that power.  I just didn't have time to change before I came."

"Why are you here?" I asked, looking back at the paper.

"Right, let's get to the point."  He stepped away from the window and picked up a single sheet of paper from the table.  "As I said, quite the prize.  Getting this here was no small feat, I can tell you."

I looked back and forth between the paper and the stranger.  "Pardon me," I said, holding his gaze, "but isn't this a violation of the import codes?"

The man leaned close, his dark eyes turning to look at me as he waved me closer.  "It can't be a violation if it wasn't imported."

I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to fathom how else the paper might have come.  Nothing got to this shell except from the matter reforger or by import.  Both of those required months of waiting to get anything from them beyond the necessities.

"An impressive bit of work, this is.  I can't recall ever seeing a single sheet in existence and here she's made an entire stack of it."

My eyes widened.  "Someone made this?" I whispered, pointing at the sheet the man held.  "Who?"

He continued speaking, either not hearing or ignoring my question.  "The first is the most complex, as you know.  I'm sure if I tried it would take me twenty-four chrons just to make the first one."  He grinned at me.  "I'll wager she did it in twelve."

I stared, my mouth hanging open slightly.  Twelve chrons?  At that point, I would have needed roughly thirty chrons to duplicate one sheet from the completed pattern and whoever had done this had made one from scratch in half a day.

"Who?" I asked again.

"You can't figure that one out?"

I shook my head.  "I can't think of anyone powerful enough to-" I stopped myself, my eyebrows shooting up.  "The Queen?"

He arched an eyebrow at me.  "The light dawns."

"Our Queen?"  I asked, confirming my thoughts.  He nodded.  I looked back down at the paper.  "We hardly ever see her anymore.  Why would she make something like this?"

"She made it for me," he whispered.

That made me pause.  I had only ever seen the Queen once in my lifetime, cycles in the past, the day I'd failed my test.  It wasn't a happy memory for me.  As it was the only time I'd ever seen her in person, I'd hardly forgotten it.

"You know her?"

He nodded slowly.  "For a very long time."  He stopped speaking, his eyes locked on the piece of paper in his hand.

"Did she make all of these?" I asked, finger running down the stack of paper.

The stranger chuckled.  "No, once she had the original, duplicating is permitted with a matter forge I'm sure."  He shook his head and waved the piece of paper at me.  "Still, I didn't come here to brag about the Queen's abilities," he said, placing the sheet back on the table.  "I have a task for you."  He frowned, looking back out the window.  "Not an easy one either."
 
The stranger stood silent for a moment, his eyes glazed over.  He shook his head and refocused on me.  He reached into his robes.

"You know what this is, correct?" 

He held out an object.  I took it and discovered it was an envelope, made from paper and sealed with what looked like a hard red substance.

"Inside you'll find instructions."  He nodded at the envelope.  "I thought this best to avoid using certain devices.  What's in it is of a delicate nature."

I turned it over in my hand and found my name written across it. 

"You know how to write, correct?"

I looked down at the paper.  "On this?" I asked.  The man nodded, moving toward the doorway.  "Yes, but I won't have anything to write with much longer.  I'm on my last pencil and it will take me-"  I glanced down at the paper, shaking my head at the Queen's feat.  "It will take me much longer to make more.  Pencils aren't high on the forge priority list."

The man smiled, held out a small, cylindrical case, and set it on the table between them.  He nodded for me to take it.

"I think you'll find this more to your liking."

Inside the case, I found a finger-length, cylindrical device made from solid metal.  One tip ended in a point, the other rounded smooth.  I held it up and shifted it to rest on my fingers like a pencil.

"Correct, it's a writing device.  It doesn't have a name yet, but I'm told it's a never-ending pencil, for lack of something better," he said, pointing at the package that once held the paper.  "Try it out.  It will write on any surface."

I drew a Scripting symbol on the packaging, careful to leave the powerful construct incomplete so as not to cause some freak accident.  The script looked wet at first, but was dry when I brushed a finger across it.  I tried on the smooth, metal table and found the same result.

"Will that do?"

I nodded.  "Do I want to know how long it took her to create this stylus?"

"She didn't make that one, but I'll tell who did that you've named it," he said, stepping closer to the table and lowering his voice.  "I took it from someone who I am quite certain will be up in arms about it, especially if he hears you've named it."  He burst out with a hearty laugh, the first emotion I'd seen from the man and stood up.  "Now, here is where I leave you, but I must give you one word of warning.  For this project, I'm sorry to say, you can't use the computers for any part."

I looked up from admiring the stylus to stare at the stranger.  "I can't use the computers?" I asked, looking behind the man.  Had we been in most any other room, a large, silvery display panel would have met my eyes, but not in this one.  It was part of the reason I had chosen this room to work: to get away from the machines.  To hide from the nagging feeling someone or something was staring at me from behind the panel.

"No, I'm afraid not."  He nodded at me.  "Any questions?"

"You haven't told me what it is you want me to do."

He pointed at the envelope.  "Everything I can tell you is in there.  Anything else?"

I looked up at him.  "You never told me how you knew to look me up."

He took in a deep breath and let it out.  "Some questions have to wait for their answers."

The stranger turned to leave, but I called out to him.  "What's your name?"

He didn't answer.  He walked out, the door sliding shut behind him.  I turned the envelope over in my hand and stared at the red substance pressed to the side.  I ran a finger over it.  Whatever the red stuff was it had solidified and turned smooth.  A single image lay compressed into the center: an O.  A memory tickled on the edge of my consciousness then flitted away.  Shrugging, I used my fingernail to separate the substance from the envelope, freeing the flap.  I pulled a piece of paper out and began to read:
 
"Logwyn, your queen needs your help.  She is about to send for you to request that you complete a task for her.  When she does, you must tell her one thing when she asks if you will complete the task for her.  Tell her you know her secret.  The secret no one else knows.  She will challenge you.  When she does, show her and only her the item I left on your table."
 
I stopped reading and looked around.  There sat a metallic box the same color as the table.  A single sheet of paper lay across it, blocking the box from my sight.  The paper the stranger had held.  I looked back down at the letter.
 
"Show no one else what lies inside this box, not even yourself.  Keep it secret from everyone save for the Queen.  Only reveal you have it at your direst need."
 
                                        A Friend
 
P.S.  "Do not trust any computer terminal you happen upon."

 
I set the note aside and moved to stand over the box.  It measured just longer than my arm from elbow to fingertip and a bit wider than my wrist.  How I'd missed him placing it I still don't know.  A small magnetic clasp held it closed on one side.  I moved to open the box, then paused, glancing at the note.  He said to show her what lay within.  What could it be?  My finger toyed with the clasp as I pondered what might lie inside.

A moment later a messenger appeared, delivering summons to see the Queen.  He found me standing over the still closed box.  After he left, I eyed the summons and the note, my hand still resting on the metallic box.  What did this man want?  What did the Queen want?  And why the secrecy?  I needed more information and I knew of only one source.  Before I'd finished thinking the thought through, I found myself walking out the door, paper, stylus, and a still closed box all tucked away safely in a travel sack.
 
-

Author's note:  Thanks for reading this far.  Please follow me on Twitter @nidfar or on Facebook at facebook.com/nidfar for updates as I go along.  If you're an author reading, thanks especially to you.
Message from Author:

Thank you for reading and +voting for Rise, my first Jukepop serial! Buy it now at e-book retailers everywhere. Details at www.nidfar.com/novels/rise
Log in to add a comment or review for this chapter Chapter updated on: 8/24/2015 10:23:17 PM
  • a dabra commented on :
    9/8/2014 2:46:51 PM
    great chapter
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks! Hope you stick around for more.
      9/8/2014 2:52:25 PM
    • a dabra i will :)
      9/9/2014 6:29:23 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:19:36 AM
    • ANN brown Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), for more information about me. because i have some important thing i will like to discuss with you privately. Hope to hear from you soon. Anna, thanks
      5/5/2016 11:31:51 PM
  • annah brown commented on :
    4/3/2016 3:20:16 AM
    Hello good day, i will like to meet you in person, am miss Anna, am from France and am leaving in London, please contact me on my email id at (annh1brown@hotmail.com), ... Show More
  • steve commented on :
    11/15/2015 5:44:43 AM
    good job
  • Kelly J. commented on :
    1/23/2015 8:40:40 PM
    Your cover immediately attracted me to this book. I'm glad I started reading it as the suspense and mystery in this first chapter makes me want to read the entire book in 2 chrons!
    • View 3 more comment(s)
    • Kelly J. Sure, I'd love to. I wish you the best of luck with your publication of this awesome story!
      4/9/2015 8:02:52 PM
    • Brian Guthrie message me on twitter found on my author page
      4/9/2015 8:14:57 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:15:42 AM
    • Kelly J. Yeah I would love to help out, what are the steps?
      9/20/2015 8:56:39 PM
    • Brian Guthrie 1) go to http://www.inkshares.com make an acct (I suggest changing your profile name Reader Writer to your name so I know it's you.) Then go to tiny.cc/riseonink and follow the story and/or me as an author (either one of these simply alerts and directs me to your profile.) 2) I follow you back. 3) You earn $10 in credits ($5 from joining and another $5 from me following you) NOTE: do NOT do the pre-order until you have $10 in credits or they WILL ask for your CC info. 4) Use this link after you have your credits https://www.inkshares.com/projects/rise-4249?referral_code=cd07e0a9 to pre-order my book for free:-)
      9/20/2015 9:35:19 PM
  • N.C. Gossner commented on :
    1/4/2015 6:19:52 AM
    I was hooked with just the synopsis, but this first chapter has been amazing, looking forward to reading more, I really love your writing style!
    • View 6 more comment(s)
    • Brian Guthrie follow these steps: 1) go to http://www.inkshares.com make an acct. Then go to tiny.cc/riseonink and follow the story and/or me as an author (either one of these simply alerts and directs me to your profile.) 2) I follow you back. 3) You earn $10 in credits ($5 from joining and another $5 from me following you) NOTE: Do NOT do the Preorder until you have the credits. else they ask for a form of payment, obviously 4) Use this link after you have your credits https://www.inkshares.com/projects/rise-4249?referral_code=cd07e0a9 to pre-order my book for free:-)
      9/17/2015 2:38:33 PM
    • N.C. Gossner Is there a particular time frame to do it in?
      9/18/2015 5:06:09 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Before Sept 30. Takes two minutes to do
      9/18/2015 5:32:58 AM
    • N.C. Gossner Okay! I am excited! I definitely want to read Rise! :)
      9/18/2015 5:40:43 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Cool. And if you can snag one or two friends and show them how to do the same free trick, also before September 30 that would be even more amazing and helpful
      9/18/2015 5:42:30 AM
  • Brandon Getz commented on :
    7/1/2015 12:02:05 AM
    I agree with Eliza -- it's great to simply start & exist within the world without too much exposition. The focus on something as mundane as paper in the beginning gives a ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks! Hope you enjoy. If you want to read the edited version, go to tiny.cc/risenovel to find out where you can get your own copy of Rise as it's released in three parts.
      7/1/2015 7:54:09 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:14:37 AM
    • Brandon Getz Hey, man, I'm game. Hit me up at contact@brandongetz.com
      9/17/2015 4:19:40 PM
  • Frances Pauli commented on :
    5/30/2014 4:28:38 PM
    Fantastic beginning. So much tension right out of the gate. Well done.
    • View 3 more comment(s)
    • Brian Guthrie awesome, just staying engaged with you. Please do leave comments so I can keep engaging with you.
      9/23/2014 2:32:04 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:36:49 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:17:24 AM
    • Frances Pauli I would definitely be interested. Anything I can do to help and best of luck too!
      9/17/2015 3:49:12 PM
    • Brian Guthrie complete these steps: 1) go to http://www.inkshares.com make an acct. Then go to tiny.cc/riseonink and follow the story and/or me as an author (either one of these simply alerts and directs me to your profile.) 2) I follow you back. 3) You earn $10 in credits ($5 from joining and another $5 from me following you) NOTE: do NOT do the pre-order until you have $10 in credits or they WILL ask for your CC info. 4) Use this link after you have your credits https://www.inkshares.com/projects/rise-4249?referral_code=cd07e0a9 to pre-order my book for free:-)
      9/17/2015 3:50:11 PM
  • Irish Jonnie commented on :
    5/29/2014 12:45:39 PM
    Just got around to a read of this now. I am only at the first chapter but through times I will be coming back to read each chapter piece by piece. I like the concept you ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks so much. I definitely am treading familiar ground so finding a new way to do that was a bit of a challenge. And thanks for noticing the style. It has taken me years of rewriting this to finally find the right voice to tell it in. You are very correct, it's a constant challenge, one I owe all my Alpha readers and the Jukepop audience a debt of gratitude for helping me fine tune.
      5/29/2014 4:44:53 PM
    • Irish Jonnie Oh the thank you comes from me, my serial spectrum:hounds of hate, i am sure has many errors may delve in it but ill fine tune it and seeing writings like this is more inspiring. I will be keeping an eye on this serial. When i'm writing an trying to make my world unique its writings like these that give a will to continue, excellent job mate!(forgive minor typos here, I am on my way home from work on the bus on my phone ha) Detail between dialogue of actions and movement, you could make a cardboard box seem complex, it's badass!
      5/29/2014 4:51:34 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks again. I hope you get yours written to your level of satisfaction too. It's been a long torturous process to do mine so I commiserate with you.
      5/30/2014 9:49:34 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:20:21 AM
  • Eric commented on :
    5/31/2014 3:59:54 PM
    Hmm... I'm not really a Sci Fi type of person, but this was interesting. There was a lot of subtlety. I at first assumed the main character was male, but it makes sense ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie I hear you on the many serials to keep up with. Hope my story keeps you coming back!
      5/31/2014 5:18:20 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:20:00 AM
  • Jennifer Avalon commented on :
    6/5/2014 3:02:06 AM
    The tension you have going here is amazing. I don't know how Logwyn didn't open that box. I found myself thinking had I been her (I think it's a her!), I would have ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks. It's a delicate balance sprinkling world details out enough so the reader isn't lost but still feels like this is a world that just exists and it's obvious the characters have just accepted that. And yeah the box seems to be a big deal. Hope you're patient. That things role is what's known as the long game:)
      6/5/2014 6:14:44 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:19:55 AM
  • Nathaniel Tower commented on :
    7/26/2014 1:15:36 PM
    Very nicely done. My only question is: did you write any of this on paper first? :)
    • Brian Guthrie lol one of the original drafts yes, but long before I settled on this start.
      7/26/2014 1:34:10 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:19:46 AM
  • Joan Albright commented on :
    9/9/2014 6:08:51 PM
    The thing that strikes me most about this at first glance is the pacing. The first paragraphs in particular really grab me, and I think it's a good mix of dialogue and ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie yeah I hate internal monologue. I put it in where it's necessary. I will reread this and see what I can sprinkle in. Thanks!
      9/9/2014 6:54:45 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:19:10 AM
  • Ryan W. Norris commented on :
    9/15/2014 12:58:10 PM
    Enjoying the start. A really nice big world, but I like how you narrow down to a small person and a small office. Small comment: having a POV character describe 'long ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie it's a difficult thing, dropping gender hints in from 1st person. I don't actively think I'm a male.
      9/15/2014 1:13:53 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:19:05 AM
  • Ryan Watt commented on :
    9/17/2014 5:13:07 AM
    After being on my to-do list for a while, I finally am making myself start Rise now that I know you're wrapping up the story soon. It did not disappoint. There is so much ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie it's one of those interesting quirks I gave her. She's a scribe so she has some knowledge of things but not all.
      9/17/2014 6:25:46 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:18:49 AM
  • Lauren Kimpton commented on :
    8/12/2014 3:52:53 PM
    Already hooked. Awesome!
    • Brian Guthrie glad to have you!
      8/12/2014 4:10:28 PM
    • Brian Guthrie just checking in to see if you're still enjoying it.
      9/23/2014 7:48:06 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:18:33 AM
  • Katherine Claire Hayward commented on :
    7/30/2014 7:53:01 PM
    This is a nice first chapter
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks! Hope you enjoy all of it:-)
      7/30/2014 8:06:55 PM
    • Brian Guthrie so have you had a chance to continue?
      9/23/2014 7:48:18 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:18:27 AM
  • HemDiva commented on :
    7/27/2014 2:47:26 AM
    This is interesting! Reading further for sure! :)
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks. Hope you enjoy it!
      7/27/2014 7:29:20 AM
    • Brian Guthrie so have you enjoyed more?
      9/23/2014 7:48:31 AM
    • HemDiva Off course I will be reading further. Please check out mine http://jukepop.com/home/read/4602?chapter=1&sl=581 and do let me know if you have any comments
      10/29/2014 3:12:26 AM
    • Brian Guthrie I'll try. I've got a lot going on and many books to catch up on:-)
      10/29/2014 11:50:53 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:18:20 AM
  • Paul Rogers commented on :
    1/13/2015 3:23:16 PM
    Interesting sense of place and mystery. There's enough here to make it easy to follow the events, but enough things are left vague that I'm not really sure what it's ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie my thanks for your kind words!
      1/13/2015 6:19:12 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:33:58 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:18:15 AM
  • Matthew Cole-Wilkin commented on :
    1/4/2015 3:55:58 PM
    Great fun! Such an intriguing story! I love it! Bookshelved for sure!
    • Brian Guthrie Nice. Hope you enjoy and stick with the series:)
      1/4/2015 7:01:47 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:34:03 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:18:07 AM
  • BJ Holder commented on :
    1/1/2015 6:11:41 PM
    The beauty of your first paragraph drew me in. That being said... I should tell you, I read it four times before continuing to the end. I loved it! I hope to have a ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie The first paragraph does seem to resonate with readers. I hope you do get to read it all the way to the end....on Kindle! I just sent the first act of Rise in for editing. When it comes back, I'll be moving to publish it soon after.
      1/1/2015 7:24:45 PM
    • BJ Holder Wonderful! I will wait until I can buy a ecopy then! :)
      1/1/2015 7:39:34 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:34:24 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:17:53 AM
  • Ronnie Jeffires commented on :
    12/14/2014 7:39:45 PM
    I absolutely love this book
    • Brian Guthrie Nice, glad you like it. First act will be appearing on Amazon soon:-)
      12/15/2014 7:49:16 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:35:58 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:17:46 AM
  • Evan Marcroft commented on :
    11/5/2014 10:48:21 PM
    Good god, I've had this bookshelved since I came here and I never stopped to read it until now. What have I done with my... month.
    • Brian Guthrie I'll take it you like it.
      11/6/2014 10:34:41 PM
    • Evan Marcroft You could say that, yes
      11/6/2014 11:11:09 PM
    • Brian Guthrie glad to hear it. please continue to let me know what you think
      11/7/2014 10:33:40 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:36:07 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:17:36 AM
  • Megan Wong commented on :
    10/25/2014 9:57:28 PM
    Love the premise of this story! Can't wait to read more
    • Brian Guthrie Glad you enjoyed it. Hope you continue to do so. And please leave comments as you go:-)
      10/27/2014 7:33:11 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:36:22 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:17:30 AM
  • Brandon Mills Johnson commented on :
    6/10/2014 9:23:05 PM
    The opening with the paper is attention-grabbing in a subtle, clever way and I like the world-building sprinkled throughout. The main character also has much better ... Show More
    • View 1 more comment(s)
    • Brian Guthrie so have you managed to read more and have you enjoyed the "box" storyline?
      9/23/2014 7:50:26 AM
    • Brandon Mills Johnson Still on the bookshelf :) Honestly, I've been on such a fantasy\horror kick lately I haven't gotten around to it. I'll probably be ready for some sci-fi soon, though.
      9/23/2014 1:03:26 PM
    • Brian Guthrie cool, hope you enjoy it when you do.
      9/23/2014 1:05:52 PM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:01 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:17:19 AM
  • Alasdair Fox commented on :
    7/7/2014 12:17:33 PM
    Nicely written! The first chapter has definitely sucked me to wanting to read more, while giving a good flavour of the world that it's set in.
    • View 1 more comment(s)
    • Brian Guthrie so has the enjoyable "flavour" continued for you?
      9/23/2014 7:49:45 AM
    • Alasdair Fox I regret to report that I've not had time to read past the second chapter yet, but I certainly plan to, after work calms down a little, and I finish the kindle book I'm currently reading. I generally only manage 30 mins a day reading between kids and work. This is next on my list, however!
      9/23/2014 7:59:56 AM
    • Brian Guthrie no worries, just keeping contact with my readers.
      9/23/2014 8:34:04 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:12 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:16:17 AM
  • Joy A. Calvert commented on :
    5/7/2014 1:56:00 PM
    Excellent! The subtle world building isn't confusing, but refreshing. I also really like the narrator's voice. I can't wait to read more!
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks a lot! I spent many an hour hemming and hawing about how much to let creep in when. It's a delicate balance. Sorry so long in replying.
      5/29/2014 4:42:33 PM
    • Brian Guthrie So Joy have you continued to enjoy Rise?
      9/23/2014 7:54:55 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:18 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:16:11 AM
  • Conni Byron commented on :
    5/13/2014 2:13:50 AM
    Nice world building. I love the mystery and questions posed in the story so far. Love the A Friend's character and Logwyn's account of events. The feel free to stare ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks so much. Sorry so long in replying. I very much grinned when I wrote that line. And keep that box close. It's important;-)
      5/29/2014 4:43:25 PM
    • Brian Guthrie So conni have you managed to read anymore and do you have more thoughts?
      9/23/2014 7:54:33 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:26 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:16:06 AM
  • Gavin Logan commented on :
    5/30/2014 9:29:08 AM
    Theres a lot of these dystopian fantasy type serials on here and sometimes I skip through them but this one really got me. You do a a great job of not throwing a plethora ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks a lot! I tried very hard to balance introducing you to a new world but acting like you were already in it and familiar with it. It's a very hard balance to strike. I've spent years reading scifi and fantasy that opens with massive amounts of exposition. I very much wanted to avoid that. Glad to know I succeeded for you. I'll definitely add yours to my shelf and get to it as soon as I get caught up on several others.:-)
      5/30/2014 9:48:37 AM
    • Brian Guthrie so Gavin have you enjoyed more? I'm making my way through my shelf and yours is coming soon.
      9/23/2014 7:54:11 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:33 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:16:01 AM
  • Patricia Z commented on :
    6/6/2014 12:52:30 AM
    An intriguing beginning. Using a common item, paper, as something uncommon really helps introduce the alien aspect of this setting. I'm wondering when and where this is ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks I felt a common thing like that would be a great connection to bring the reader slowly into this world. Glad you liked it. The time and where this is are revealed only a bit at a time. Hope you continue reading
      6/6/2014 6:20:59 AM
    • Brian Guthrie so have you enjoyed more Patricia?
      9/23/2014 7:52:33 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:40 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:15:55 AM
  • Isabel Reyes commented on :
    6/6/2014 5:09:18 PM
    I'm intrigued. The very first paragraph reminded me of Hugh Howie's Wool Saga in the best kind of way. I can't wait to read more.
    • Brian Guthrie Wow, thanks a lot. I'll have to look that one up to really grasp your compliment:-) Thanks for the suggestion!
      6/10/2014 9:48:24 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Ironically Isabel, a good friend of mine here suggested I read Wool also. I got the audio version from Kindle/audible and devoured it. Very good read. Hope you've continued to enjoy mine.
      9/23/2014 7:51:17 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:37:54 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:15:49 AM
  • Eliza Knightly commented on :
    5/18/2015 10:38:19 PM
    I like how the adventure begins right away. It's so tempting to give too much description and back story at the beginning. I like that you dove right in!
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks, I wanted you to feel like these characters. They're already in that world and know all about it. So why should you be any different:-)
      5/19/2015 10:01:53 AM
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:15:35 AM
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:39 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
    • Brian Guthrie thanks! I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:15:11 AM
  • Geoffrey Ng commented on :
    6/26/2015 6:10:49 PM
    I like how you make paper out to be such a foreign thing at the beginning of the story. I also like how the notes give the protagonist conflicts to worry about.
    • Brian Guthrie Hey, I've got Rise in a contest/funding competition to win a contract, and wondered if you'd be willing to help by receiving a free copy. Not asking for reviews or anything more. If you're not interested, then thank you for your time and I hope to catch up with you soon. If you are interested, I can send the steps (it will only take a few minutes of your time). If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
      9/17/2015 10:14:48 AM
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:38 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:35 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:35 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:31 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:30 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:28 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Anonymous commented on :
    6/7/2015 3:39:26 PM
    Interesting opening, want to know what's in the box
  • Jennifer Flath commented on :
    4/3/2014 4:52:39 AM
    I really like how much you're able to do in your opening paragraph. Through paper, you've managed to tell me what this character does, what he's like, and some of the ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Thanks! I'll retackle the synopsis. I may remove the entire second paragraph and just keep the first paragraph of the synopsis.
      4/3/2014 5:20:05 AM
    • Paul Condello Please take a look at Fr. Ashby (Chapter 1).
      9/16/2014 11:35:57 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Sorry I don't just go read new serials because people post a comment on my serial asking. I've got a lot of good authors I'm already reading or in my queue who have been very patient about my promises to get to their serials.
      9/17/2014 6:29:49 AM
  • Kevin Boyer commented on :
    8/27/2014 12:28:18 AM
    Definitely picking up the small changes. Funny how I didn't picture Logwyn as blonde during my previous reads
    • Brian Guthrie The beauty of the serial: live changes:)
      8/27/2014 12:54:51 AM
  • Brian Guthrie commented on :
    8/15/2014 10:41:48 PM
    Chapter 1 updated to adjust to match the current version which takes into account much of the edits and comments already posted.
    • Jennifer Flath I like those location/date/etc. tags. I think those will be a simple way to drop world clues and pull everything together, although I wonder how you're planning on labeling the trade-offs in point of view later. Also, I wonder what the date tags on Micaela's and Quentin's stories will say. Cool addition.
      8/16/2014 4:41:57 AM
    • Brian Guthrie The mid chap shifts won't have them. Only the beginning of chaps or where a shift in the interview occurs making it necessary to tip you to whose voice it is. I also added a few hints of logwyn's gender.
      8/16/2014 9:38:10 AM
  • Jennifer Flath commented on :
    4/27/2014 11:14:35 PM
    I'm glad I re-read this. You've made some changes here and there that make the mystery feel bigger. I'm so, so annoyed Logwyn didn't open the stupid box, but it's a good ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Yeah, that's a good annoyed:-) I'll have to scan it again to see if there's enough hints in there she's female. I know the Queen refers to her in with feminine terms enough but that's chapter three.
      4/28/2014 5:18:26 AM
    • Nicht Omen Interesting, I read it at first with a masculine voice in my head, but a subservient almost obsequies one, due to the mannerisms. The gender of Logwyn, is implied through her actions, when I read it as a her in mind, but never stated here. Now I have to rethink the story.
      4/28/2014 3:47:20 PM
    • Kevin Boyer looks like I'm another person rereading from chapter 3 :P Yeah, I didn't see any hint about Logwyn's gender in this chapter now that I reread it.
      8/15/2014 3:16:05 PM
    • Brian Guthrie I'll be posting updates to these chapters soon. thanks for taking the time to read. It's highly valued input and I know how much people value their time.
      8/15/2014 3:22:49 PM
  • Kevin Boyer commented on :
    7/7/2014 11:56:55 AM
    Interesting start. I noticed you included Deathgate cycle in your list of tags. Is this your own world in a similar concept, or based on the air worlds from the books? I haven't read them in ages.
    • Brian Guthrie This is my own world based on a similar concept. Thanks for taking the time to read. Hope you enjoy it.
      7/7/2014 12:01:41 PM
  • Michelle Davis commented on :
    6/7/2014 3:42:03 AM
    Im intrigued for sure...cant wait to find out whats in the box
    • Brian Guthrie so glad you liked it and I hope it keeps you coming back for more!
      6/10/2014 9:48:50 PM
    • Michelle Davis I made it most of the way through ch. 3 in the first hour of reading...wish I could read more but im inthe process of reading 3 books at once..lol
      6/10/2014 10:15:12 PM
    • Brian Guthrie Understand that much. It will be here when you are ready:-)
      6/10/2014 10:19:59 PM
  • T. Phillips Holland commented on :
    5/3/2014 5:36:37 AM
    This is excellent -- and not even a genre that I normally cotton to. The writing is crisp and clear, and you build a great sense of suspense and mystery without apparent ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Ha I'm glad you appreciate that part. As a writer, I'm sure it tickles a lot of writers fancy to have writing be a key part of the story. Sorry I hadn't responded sooner.
      5/29/2014 4:41:42 PM
  • S Vest commented on :
    5/22/2014 5:42:03 PM
    Great first chapter. Very well written! Rise is heading right to my bookshelf. :)
    • Brian Guthrie so glad you liked it. I just started yours today and wow is it intriguing.
      5/29/2014 4:40:41 PM
  • 9/9/2014 10:21:11 AM
    When I do reviews I am stingy with a full-on top slot such as a 10 or 5 stars so please don't take my four too personally. The story roped me in successfully and held my ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie it's very helpful. The gender issue has been mentioned before and I think in the final version I have I made more of a point of it earlier in the chapter. Thanks for catching the passives. I'll go back over to see if I can eliminate them. Always appreciate genuine, helpful feedback.
      9/9/2014 10:37:26 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:32:16 PM
  • 12/23/2014 3:30:39 AM
    Very good story, well written and a lot of action to draw the reader in. Can't wait to start Fall. A lot of unanswered questions. The transition between characters was ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Yeah I've had many readers mention the transition part. That's why I started adding chapter ID tags at the beginning of the chapters later in the story. I never went back to finish that process for this version of Rise. Thanks for your review! From reading it, it sounds like you finished it?
      12/23/2014 8:11:35 AM
    • Brian Guthrie this story has been released for publication and I'd appreciate you posting a review like this there. www.nidfar.com/novels/rise for all the places you can do so
      4/7/2015 6:32:08 PM
  • 5/7/2014 2:49:33 PM
    This is confident prose, seasoned storytelling. Like being let in on a secret. Exposition on a need to know basis. Where you're taking us is a bit unclear, but isn't that ... Show More
    • Brian Guthrie Wow thanks. Sorry so long in replying. I agree, it is part of the journey. Unlike operas, where you know the ending, I like some ambiguity in my stories:-)
      5/29/2014 4:45:56 PM